


Equilibrium

by AliaMael



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Multi, Post-Game(s), Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26716297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliaMael/pseuds/AliaMael
Summary: It's not because the worst has been avoided that you can stop paying attention. The fault lines are still there.
Relationships: Hanekoma Sanae/Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya/Kitaniji Megumi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Equilibrium

"So," Sanae said.

In the silence of the Room of Reckoning, his voice echoed in a way that only highlighted uncomfortably how empty it was now that Neku and friends had been sent back to the RG.

Joshua crossed his arms, already defensive.

"What do you want?"

Instead of answering, Sanae threw him a pin. Joshua caught it by reflex, and stared.

"That's…"  
"Yup," Sanae confirmed.

Joshua expression was impossible to read, and for a second Sanae wondered if he had made the wrong call.

"You… you decided to gather Megumi's Soul in a pin under my nose," Joshua finally added.  
"Seemed like the right thing to do."  
"Why?"

Sanae sighed, looked down at the dark grey floor, devoid of life or comfort, then brought his eyes back on Joshua.

"Because I don't think losing him now would help."  
"He lost our Game. It was his decision."  
"I'm aware. I'm also aware that even if Phones helped you, probably much more than he thought, you'll only slide back without support."

Joshua closed his hand around Megumi's pin, angry but still careful.

"Yeah, sure, you know much about 'support'… What did you _do_ , remind me?"

Sanae tried not to flinch. He had majorly fucked up that's what he did.

"That's only proving my point that you need Megumi," he said softly.  
"I don't see why."  
"You love him."

Joshua froze.

"What do you know about _love_? You're an Angel."  
"I know that it felt like being torn apart to watch you set up your own destruction," Sanae answered, forcing the words out even knowing he was baring himself for even more pain.

There was a silence, then Joshua threw him what was possibly the saddest smile he had ever seen.

"Considering what you did? I don't believe you."

It felt like all oxygen had disappeared. It felt like falling in icy water to never surface again.

It felt like wanting to curl up and cry.

Sanae buried his nails in his palm and went on.

"What are you waiting for to revive him?"

Joshua hesitated, visibly tempted to call him out on his change of topic, then he frowned.

"You know that would be against the rules."  
" _Fuck the rules_ ," Sanae stated.

Joshua's eyes widened in shock and surprise.

"Seriously, fuck the rules," Sanae insisted. "And anyway after all that happened, what's one more instance of rule-breaking?"  
"… If Megumi was here he would tell you how wrong you are."  
"And _he's not here_!" Sanae snapped. "That's exactly the problem! So come on, do something about it! If only so he can yell at me if that's what you want!"

Joshua took a step back. Sanae tried to stop his hands from shaking.

"What's wrong with you?" Joshua asked, somewhere between wary and concerned.  
"There's nothing wrong with me! I– I just want you fucking _safe_! And I _know_ I destroyed all my chances of being the one to help you so forgive me for insisting you bring back the only other person I know able to do so!"

Joshua stared.

"You… you meant it."  
"If you want an answer more developed than 'yes' you'll have to be more precise Josh, because I meant everything in this conversation."  
"You love me."  
"… yes."  
"Then _why_? Why did you try to get me _killed_?!"

Sanae couldn't look at Joshua to answer that.

"Because you were trying to destroy Shibuya. And you're _the Composer_. You're linked to the city. What do you think would have happened if you'd reset the city? Best case scenario, you would have _died_. Worst case, your body would have survived but you'd be _brain dead_. I–"

Sanae had to stop, take a shaking breath. He couldn't afford to cry, to _break_. Even if just thinking about all of this made him want to scream until he lost his voice.

"I never wanted you dead. Will never be able to, really. But between what you were aiming for and a clean end? I… I made my choice."  
"And you don't think you could have, I don't know… _talked to me_?!"

Sanae felt the tears burning at the corner of his eyes, threatening to fall. He refused to let them, looked up at Joshua.

"Why the fuck do you think I insist for you to fucking _revive Megumi_?! I _know_ I'm a damn _failure_! I'm not _human_ Josh, never was meant to be! I _don't know_ how to handle these things! I _try_ but I _can't_!"

Sanae knew he was shaking. He couldn't even control his traitorous body. What a shining example of reasonable observer…

Then Joshua hugged him. Sanae froze, utterly lost, before _clinging_ for dear life.

"I don't forgive you," Joshua warned, "but I trust you."  
"… thank–" Sanae began before feeling his throat close around a sob he refused to let out.

Fortunately, Joshua didn't seem to wait for more words from him. He just moved a hand between Sanae's shoulder blades, holding him more securely while Sanae hid his face against Joshua's neck. Sanae felt Joshua's other hand open, then a shift in Frequency.

Suddenly, they were not alone in the room anymore.

Sanae wanted to melt from relief. _Joshua would have someone able to really help him now._ He also wanted to disappear, because he could never be taken seriously after presenting such a pathetic display.

"Welcome back, Megumi," Joshua said, a gentleness in his voice Sanae didn't remember ever being directed at him.  
"… Sir? I– What– How–"  
"Breathe," Joshua advised.

A silence.

"Who's that?" Megumi finally settled on.  
"Sanae Hanekoma. You can thank him, it's him who saved you from definitive Erasure."

Sanae tensed. He hadn't exactly wanted that to be pointed out.

"… aren't you the owner of that coffee shop on Cat Street?" Megumi asked after a pause.

Sanae nodded against Joshua's shoulder, not feeling ready to talk quite yet.

"I don't understand," Megumi admitted.  
"Hmm, short version is that Sanae thinks you're good for me," Joshua summarized.  
"… I'm not sure I understand better, Sir."  
"Blame Sanae for being very confused and thus confusing."

That was so _pure Joshua_ that Sanae would probably have laughed if he was not busy fighting a minor meltdown.

"Sakuraba convinced you to keep Shibuya?" Megumi asked.  
"I suppose so. Turns out I'm not quite ready to give up on life, in the end," Joshua casually said.  
"Give up on… _what_?!"

Sanae felt Joshua's cheek against his hair betray a grin.

"Don't freak out Megumi, it's in the past now," Joshua had the gall to say.  
"Forgive me Sir, but _what the hell_?! In the past?! You wanted to… to… How could I _not freak out_?!" 

Megumi gasped, then went on, horror overtaking his voice. 

"Did you– did you want _me_ to… to… _No!_ "  
"Does it make it better if I say I never counted on you for that? I really thought Neku would do it, though."  
" _No it's not better!_ "

Now that Sanae's body was slowly calming down, he could hear Megumi begin to hyperventilate behind him, then start to pace nervously.

"Megumi…" Joshua called, uncertain.  
"No, no, _no_! Don't 'Megumi' me! You tried to set me up to… I didn't even _realize_ …"  
" _Megumi_ ," Joshua repeated, this time with the firmness of an order.

Megumi stopped pacing and then, judging by the sound, dropped to his knees.

"I'm sorry Sir…" he said weakly. "I failed you…"

Joshua tried to let go of Sanae, who clung harder by pure reflex.

"Sanae, I won't disappear if you release me. I promise," Joshua coaxed.

Sanae forced his fingers to unclench, fighting the visceral fear that Joshua would do just that. Instead, Joshua crouched in front of Megumi.

"I'm sorry," he softly said, and yes, Sanae had been right to say he loved Megumi. "Will you forgive me?"  
"… forgive you? I… I'm the one who…"  
"You didn't do anything wrong."

Sanae couldn't even conjure the strength to be jealous. Joshua was right. Of the three of them, Megumi had been the best by far. (And Sanae the worst.)

Joshua gently put a hand on Megumi's cheek. Megumi froze, then leaned into the touch like a plant toward the sun.

"Sir…"  
"It's Joshua."

Megumi blinked.

"I… I'm sorry?"  
"My name. It's Joshua. You can use it. Sanae won't let me out of his sight for a while anyway and _he_ will call me that, so you can as well do the same. Or at the very least know about it."

Megumi threw a curious look at Sanae, who had no idea how to react.

"Who _are_ you anyway?" Megumi asked him.  
"I… I'm just a barista?" he tried.

Alright. Given Megumi's unimpressed expression, he was not convincing. Joshua giggled.

"A barista, and someone with enough power in the UG to gather Souls into pins… of, and CAT, too," Joshua listed. "Detail."  
"Josh!" Sanae protested.

Megumi's eyes widened.

"You… you're CAT?" he said, suddenly shy.

Sanae glanced at Joshua, who was smiling smugly.

"I… Yes." Sanae made an effort to collect himself. "Nice to finally meet you."  
"You knew about me?" Megumi asked, surprised.  
"Of course. You're very important to Joshua… and he's very important to me."

Megumi looked at Joshua, whose smile turned gentler. His thumb moved into a slight caress and Megumi blushed.

"I'm lost," Megumi admitted.  
"Understandable," Joshua answered. "But it's alright."

Sanae suddenly felt violently useless. He had done his part. Megumi would be there for Joshua, now. It was what he wanted. It was what Joshua needed.

Joshua rolled his eyes.

"Sanae," he sighed, "I did say I trusted you, so stop acting like I'm going to bite if you come too close."

Sanae hadn't even been aware he had moved or changed expression or given any hint of what he was thinking. But this was Joshua. Maybe he had just felt it.

"Does that mean I'm allowed to be clingy?" Sanae said, trying for a joking tone.

He flinched upon hearing how needy and pathetic he sounded instead.

"I'll punch you when you become too much," Joshua answered.

Sanae decided to take that as permission. He knelt on the cold floor and plastered himself against Joshua's back, arms around his waist. 

"I won't disappear," Joshua repeated.  
"You almost did," Sanae whispered.

Then, to Sanae's surprise, Megumi hugged Joshua too.

"I don't want you to die," Megumi said.  
"I won't," Joshua promised.

Somehow, Sanae managed to catch Megumi's eyes, and even though they still had to learn so much about each other, that single look sealed a pact: they would _not_ let Joshua change his mind.

Never. 


End file.
